I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
