My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
