her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize