I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
