I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
