I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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