she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
