i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
