"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
