So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
