I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
