i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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