I CAN MOONWALK!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
