Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
