I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
