who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When are your genitals available?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize