im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
how drunk are you?
Several
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
