last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
