oh god the rape fog is back!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
