I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
