Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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