I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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