so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize