My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
