Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have fence marks all over my body
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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