I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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