he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
