my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
