a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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