so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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