When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There r osticjed everywhere
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
