Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
