She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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