That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
