i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
