It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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