How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
