Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
