3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
