I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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