Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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