mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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