Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
