How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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