I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
