I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
