my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
