cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
