i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just invented taco cereal.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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