ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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