Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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