just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
