he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize