Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
