Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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