My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
