Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
