She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
