Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize