I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
