If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
