The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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